Man's Best Friend

Had you asked me two weeks ago what was the hardest thing in life I've ever had to do, I would've responded with "give birth."  We all know I did not have one of those fairy tale births of just sneezing and out popped a baby.  I incubated for 41 weeks, was nauseated for most of my labor, had back labor so the epidural wasn't 100% effective, and I pushed for almost 3 hours simply because I was so exhausted.  I remember it all like it happened yesterday and yes, it was the top contender of life's most difficult moments until this past weekend.

When my dog Kona started becoming a little under the weather two weeks ago, we thought a trip to the vet and maybe some antibiotics later we would have our Kona back.  So when the days kept ticking by and he wasn't getting better, just worse, and we were left without any answers, Carlos and I became extremely frustrated.  Fast forward to Thursday when we were able to get a CT scan done on Kona because we had already maxed out all the other tests that could be run and nothing was conclusive.  We had the images put on a cd and thanks to a friend of mine back in Pittsburgh, we were able to have a veterinary neurosurgeon (yes, there really is such a profession...I was shocked too) read Kona's CT scan images we had emailed him.  While we were prepared for what we would hear (denial could only last so long and his symptoms weren't fooling two people in the medical profession), it still didn't make it any easier to hear him say the words: brain tumor.  Alas, we had our answer, but it was devastating to know there is nothing we can do.  Carlos and I don't know how to be helpless.  We are in professions that help people and treat them and do things to give them a better quality of life and we are not able to do a darn thing for one of our own family members.  How is this fair??!!

So, back to the hardest thing I've ever had to do...
I think it was a couple of things from the weekend...one was actually have a conversation with Carlos about letting Kona meet his maker.  The second was watch my husband suffer over the thought of losing his dog.  Sure Kona is "our" dog, but he and Carlos have a bond that I can't compete with and never cared to.  Kona loves us both unconditionally, this I know, but he truly is Carlos' best friend.  So while Kona and I had a talk on Saturday about how much I love him and I cried pretty much all day, I have also decided I can and will do whatever is best for my darling dog.  Never did Carlos and I think that we would leave Guam without our precious pooch and that is what makes this so much harder.  Kona should still have quite a few more years and we are angry that his life is being cut short.

I would take the pain of giving birth any day than the pain of losing Kona.  Because in the end, the pain of birth resulted in a beautiful baby boy and tons of joy, but the pain of losing a loved animal only results in sadness and a void.

Kona is still with us at this time.  We know it will probably just be a matter of time, but as for now we are just letting nature take its course instead of interfering one way or another.  He does not appear to be suffering so we are just taking this day by day.